Whistle blowers, sanguineous sausage and revolting Catalans
Antes que nada (First of all) I must offer my apologies to Julian Clary and his lawyers for a mistake I made in the last edition of this venerable but humble organ.
King José 1st. of Spain (Joseph Bonaparte) was not really married to Mr. J. Clary, star of the stage and witty radio panellist . His wife was, in fact, Julie Clary who was born nearly two hundred years before the popular entertainer and animal lover.
Julie Clary Bonaparte ( Born Julie Clary in 1771; died in 1845)
Julian Clary, popular entertainer.
You've got to so careful these days when you write an extremely popular and informative blog like this. A simple typing error can get you into all kinds of trouble.I hope that this will be the end of the matter.
I missed the Eurovision Song Contest again this year so I missed Great Britain's sucess in scoring some points. Here in Álora not everyone was rooting for the Spanish entry, 'Do it for Your Lover', sung by Manel Navarro Quesada, a Catalán 'teen idol' who allegedly (careful Juanito) only qualified as Spain's entry by rigging the votes. Manel's reply to the accusations of skullduggery was a 'corte de mangas' to the studio audience who were booing and hissing him.
Here's Manel giving the corte de mangas to the audience.
Here he is giving a victory 'V' sign at the Eurovision final.
This was just before for he sang a gallo (bum note) The judges responded by returning the V sign and giving him 'nil points'.
Spain came last. Manel is now known as 'El gallo' (The Cockerel/ Bum Note).
It doesn't matter to millions of Spaniards because he's Catalan and therefore to them,'not Spanish'. That's why his name is 'misspelt'. There's a lot of animosity towards Cataluña because it is trying to become independent from Spain and because Barcelona FC. keeps beating 'real Spanish football teams' like Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid. (sometimes)
Catalan flag (blue version)
There was a Catalan referendum in 2014 which resulted in 88% of the 35% of the Catalan population who could bother to vote voting for independence. This was a non- binding referendum (why didn't Cameron do that?), so when the Catalan government announced it was going to declare independence anyway, Spanish Prime Minister Mariano Rajoy said 'No way José!' (¡Ni hablar de la peluca, José!) even though the Catalan president was called Artur (Arthur) Mas. Mas is now banned from holding any public office for two years. The new Catalan President, Carles Puigdemont is a big fan of Nicola Sturgeon and together they have formed a new 'We Want Independence' club.
Nicola Sturgeon and Artur (Arthur) Mas
Members so far include the USA, The Turks and Caicos Islands, Yorkshire and London.
Progress with Pretty Boy George (Monty)
The 'Man in Álora' office has been inundated with enquiries about the Sánchez Spaniel, Monty, now 5 months old, and in particular about how he is finding life in Álora.
Well, apart from the heat and the oily food he has voiced no complaints so far. All the local strays and 'homies' of the Plaza Baja presume he is 'son a 'Bro' Tomás, innit. (Tommy's son) and so they're scared of even 'sneak disssing' him, let alone 'getting crunk wid him' as they say round here.
Plaza Baja perros showing respect for 'el Niño de Bro' Tomás '
The only sign of disrespect was up at the castle when a crazy macho (male) Shar Pei 'went postal' with Bro Tomás. Tommy flashed his Perote snarl and snap and the ugliest dog in the world 'did one'. Monty was well impressed, I can tell you.
His training programme se dió en un hueso ( hit a snag) a couple of weeks ago when Mrs. Sánchez realised she can't whistle. Like most problems these days it was solved by Dr. Google who suggested a dog training whistle. Apparently the only whistle any self respecting canine will respond to is an 'ACME 210.5'.
The ACME 210.5
Contrary to popular opinion, a dog whistle doesn't have to be inaudible to the human ear - as long as the dog can hear it. Dogs can perceive a far higher range of high pitched sounds than humans but, how do you know a silent whistle's working if you can't hear it?
A British bobby blowing a 'ACME Metropolitan' police whistle
During my brief but eventful career as a teacher I was obliged to be 'on playground duty' every few days. The only compulsory equipment for this thankless sacrifice of my morning coffee break was an Acme Thunderer whistle, as essential a piece of teacher kit as a police whistle was to a bobby before they invented walkie-talkies and a referees whistle was before.....oh, they still use one and it's usually the 60.5 model.
|Acme Thunderer 60.5 (200 million sold by year 2000)|